


my breath leaves with you

by youngjo



Category: ATEEZ (Band), ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Swordplay, light sex, minor blood, minor injury, not kinky tho sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-19 03:56:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22571536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngjo/pseuds/youngjo
Summary: Their rivalry began amid summer—and their hearts bloomed with the spring.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Kim Youngjo | Ravn
Comments: 10
Kudos: 66





	my breath leaves with you

**Author's Note:**

> alright so first off, this fic is from my seongsang royalty au! I highly recommend reading [what is your treasure?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21884785) and [the stars shine bright wherever you are](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22332514) first, in that order, to get a vague feel!
> 
> I wanted this to have more porn than plot, but the plot happened first and a full smut scene just didn't feel right :(( it's still marked as explicit, however, as it's more than just subtle descriptors!
> 
> anyways, hope you enjoy!

Their first meeting occurred in the heat of summer, sun bleaching the dirt with the relief of spring rains long behind them. It had been a gala of sorts, thrown to celebrate the birth of a cousin’s child. Not something requiring attendance but something the Kingdom of Twilight managed to show up for regardless. The ruling monarchy had arrived with a gaggle of guards, personalities and appearances all peculiar. Not in a negative way; just … interesting. One in particular, an older guard with black as night hair and a warm smile, had caught his eye instantaneously. Hongjoong had been barely under twenty then, young and spry and full of fire. He had also been Seonghwa’s main guard, the best with a sword and his main protector.

There were many factors Hongjoong could use as an excuse but, deep down, he knew the true beginning. Challenging Youngjo, a Swordsmaster praised in every kingdom, for Hongjoong had been young and reckless with too many things to prove.

It all began with Youngjo defeating him in a duel, leaving him on his knees with the tip of his sword raising his chin like one may do in battle.

Hongjoong had been angry at first. How  _ dare _ Youngjo embarrass him before his prince! How  _ dare _ he smirk at him at the other end of a deadly blade! How  _ dare _ he tower over him in victory! The guard felt a swathe of emotions in that moment beneath hot summer sun, knees covered in dust and pride wounded. Hongjoong hated him in the beginning. His need for a rematch fueled him, always simmering below the surface and serving as his driving factor for living—aside from protecting Prince Seonghwa. 

They met again later in the same year, snow blanketing the land and silence swallowing the once vibrant land of Aurora. A courier had arrived barely a day beforehand, passing off a letter announcing their arrival. It had been a political visit, the Kingdom of Twilight requesting supplies as a terrible famine had befallen them.

Hongjoong, unaware of this fact, had cornered Youngjo with the intent of challenging him. The guard met his gaze with tired, weary eyes, the lack of sleep prevalent on his features. Before Hongjoong could rescind his challenge, Youngjo had accepted.

It was no surprise he beat him. Youngjo’s body, tired from travel and riddled with exhaustion, could not keep up with Hongjoong’s sharp movements. He spotted the cracks in Youngjo’s knuckles and the bruises peppering his arms while they danced around each other in the snowy courtyard. Though Hongjoong forced him to the ground, Youngjo sprawling on his back with a labored gasp, he did not feel as if he earned it. Hadn’t, really; the guard was tired and off his game. 

Hongjoong refused to accept such a cheap victory.

Their third meeting occurred at the summer solstice.

All six kingdoms met once a year for a grand, two fortnight long celebration. Being Seonghwa’s main guard, Hongjoong was required by contract to go. He would’ve anyway; he enjoyed the wine and the festivities. It was the only time of the year that even the Viridian Knights, a powerful kingdom found way in the north, struck a truce with the rest of them. It was certainly not because he wished to see Youngjo again—truly.

He did not spot him for about two days, too busy helping everyone get settled into their proper places within the city hosting the solstice that year. Only when the heirs of each kingdom met up for drinks did Hongjoong finally see him.

He had been dressed in an exquisite dark grey robe, the fabric embroidered with silver thread. Prince Hwanwoong wore something similar and, though the prince was meant to outshine him, Hongjoong couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of him. Youngjo looked  _ gorgeous _ framed in soft silk and eyes dusted in grey powder. He wasn’t sure why his heart skipped a beat at the first sight of him but he couldn’t shake the feeling the rest of the first week, actively avoiding the other guard from how off balance it left him.

Youngjo took the initiative, seeking him out on their free day. He couldn’t call it cornering, because it really wasn’t, even if his mind told him it was. The other guard merely sat next to him at the bar, offering a soft greeting. Hongjoong debated on fleeing or making up some excuse like  _ Seonghwa needs me _ but he knew it wasn’t the truth; they wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t their day off after all.

But, it wasn’t as bad as Hongjoong expected it to be.

They talked about mundane topics like the weather and their ambitions. They talked about what made them happy and what made them sad. They talked about politics and goals. They talked about favorite memories and places they’d love to visit. Hongjoong learned of Youngjo’s selflessness, and his amazing heart, and his soft smile, and his ability to give so much of himself without ever taking anything in return.

By the time they thought to pause, night had fallen and they had drank more alcohol than they should’ve. When Youngjo asked to accompany him to his room that night, Hongjoong had agreed without a second thought.

Hongjoong also learned Youngjo was a gentle lover, both in giving and in receiving. He didn’t ask for anything but Hongjoong still gave him everything. 

They met up every single night the rest of the week, indulging in each other and exploring sides of themselves they’d never been able to. Hongjoong hated being treated like he was fragile but Youngjo never made him feel small. He made him feel  _ equal. _ He made him feel wanted and appreciated.

And Hongjoong  _ loathed it _ when they were finally forced to part ways.

Fate did not align after that. They were always two steps ahead or two steps back, unable to link up, unable to achieve equilibrium. They attempted letters, and that worked for the first year. But they too eventually stopped coming, and Hongjoong was left to simmer in feelings he could not control. His heart had been stolen by a thief halfway across the continent, a thief who most likely had no intentions of returning it.

Hongjoong did not see Youngjo again until months after Seonghwa and Yeosang married.

xxx

The sound of a horn startled Hongjoong from his thoughts, the guard sitting upright instantly. His back, previously flat within the grass, protested at the sudden movement. It echoed through the garden, announcing the arrival of guests. “They’re here,” Hongjoong mumbled under his breath. He snatched up his sword by its scabbard and pushed himself to his feet, hurrying off to the frontgate.

“The envoy from the Kingdom of Twilight is here,” Jongho called down to him as he approached the guard tower. Hongjoong watched him wave a signal to the Gatekeeper, the latter of which allowed the rusty old gates to creak open. Hooking his sword to his hip, Hongjoong maneuvered out into the center of the entrance and waited.

Before him stood two white and brown draft horses, attached to a carriage painted a pretty midnight blue, framed in gleaming silver. Its driver, a young man with soft brown hair, greeted him with a dip of his head. A taller man sitting beside him slipped from the seat, dropping to the ground below. Dust swirled around his boots before settling back into position. He offered a friendly wave and it took Hongjoong only seconds to realize who it was. Lee Keonhee, a man he had met during the summer solstice two years ago.

“Greetings, Knight Hongjoong!” Keonhee bowed respectively. “I hope you’ve been well.”

Hongjoong bowed back. “I have been well, thank you for asking. I trust your travels went smoothly.”

“As smoothly as they can through Amberlake territory,” Keonhee responded. He dug around in his pockets, producing a white envelope with a red wax seal stark against its back. 

“It would be wise to make sure His Majesty Junhee doesn’t hear you make such a remark,” Hongjoong quietly scolded, extending his hand for the letter. The other knight rested it within his palm and stepped back, cat-like smile across his features.

“I know the bandit situation isn’t something His Majesty can control,” he said, shuffling back so he could grasp the handle to the carriage, “But it sure does make our jobs much harder.”

“What he means to say is we are often forced to fight back with limited weapons and supplies, and it is draining.” 

The voice sent a jolt of recognition through Hongjoong. He was glad he had not been moving in that moment, his whole body freezing. His gaze swiveled up as he sought out the owner, despite knowing who would be at the other end of it.

Clad in dark grey riding clothes, sitting high atop a beautiful black stallion, was Kim Youngjo.

He allowed the gorgeous beast to saunter up beside the carriage, protecting the doorway with its body. His eyes were trained on Hongjoong completely, gauging his reaction with an inquisitive expression and the corners of his mouth upturned. Youngjo looked more mature, if that could even be possible, his cheeks having lost some of their roundness. A splatter of freckles had taken up his cheeks, light and barely noticeable. Oh, but Hongjoong noticed them—it would be quite a feat for him not to.

Hongjoong did the only thing he could think to do; he ignored him.

“I will deliver this letter to His Majesty Seonghwa; our Gatekeeper will lead you to the stable.” Dipping his head and not waiting for an answer, Hongjoong spun on his heel and hurried into the lush courtyard. He needed to put as much distance as he could between himself and Youngjo.

As soon as he reached the pillars obscuring the main entrance, Hongjoong ducked around them and sank against the cool stone with trembling hands. He had many things he wished to say to Youngjo, and he had gone over them thousands of times in the past two years. Yet, finally faced with the knight, etiquette or not, he had choked up. 

Hongjoong loathed that part of himself too.

xxx

As if to mock how everything started, Youngjo cornered him again.

Once again, it couldn’t be called cornering, because it was a semi-public space. But Hongjoong felt it so, for no one would’ve known he was there were they not actively searching. Hongjoong, sparring with one of the straw dummies in the training grounds, had chased all the young knights out upon arrival. Rather, they had sensed his bad mood and, not wanting to end up on the sharp side of his sword, headed out to spend their day off elsewhere. He had been left alone to take his frustrations out on inanimate objects.

Lowering his sword, Hongjoong spared a few seconds to catch his breath. Sweat ran down his temple and though he had been practicing for a solid thirty or so minutes, his feelings still ran hotly throughout his body.

It only grew worse as the sound of someone clearing their throat caught his attention.

Hongjoong’s body moved into a slight turn, already knowing deep down who it would be. Leaning against the entryway behind him, clad in light grey casual clothes, was Youngjo. His arms were crossed, eyes visibly raking over Hongjoong’s body. The corner of his mouth was raised in a half-smirk and Hongjoong wanted nothing more than to wipe it from his face.

“Bold of you to come here,” Hongjoong said, the words spilling forth without hesitation.

Youngjo’s head tilted, Hongjoong spotting the way his lips twitched even across the courtyard. “Is that supposed to scare me?” 

The knight scoffed. “You are a fool.”

A laugh echoed through the courtyard and Hongjoong’s eyes narrowed. The other knight straightened himself out, advancing towards him. He turned to fully face him, raising his sword as the other knight neared him. Youngjo paused just before the tip of the blade, staring down at him with warm eyes despite the atmosphere.

“Are you angry with me?” He questioned, voice soft. “I know I am the last person you wish to see.”

Hongjoong felt a flicker of anger pass through him. “I have many emotions regarding you.”

Youngjo raised his hand, fingertips grazing the edge of his sword. They curled over the top, lowering it until it knocked gently against the center of his chest; Hongjoong swallowed at the display of trust. “That does not answer my question, Hongjoong.”

“I had no intentions of doing so in the first place,” he replied, jerking his precious weapon from Youngjo’s grasp. Hongjoong lowered it to his side, eyes still regarding him with open upset.

Youngjo smiled, dipping his head. “Then, spar me. If I win, indulge my questions. If you win, I will not bother you again.”

Hongjoong opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out. It felt like a trap, elaborately laid and purposefully set up to capture him, but he did not know how. He eyed him warily, hand grasping the hilt of his sword ever tighter. “... You will leave me be.”

“By my honor as a knight,” Youngjo replied, and Hongjoong thought he spotted a flash of sadness across his features—it was gone just as quickly as it appeared.

“Then I accept. I win, and you will leave me be. You win, and I will answer your questions.” He backed away from Youngjo, putting his back to the pillars opposite. “We have no judge so I expect you to play fair and honor the rules of a traditional duel.”

“You need not remind me, I assure you.” Youngjo mirrored him, returning to his starting position. The other knight drew his sword, wasting no time in dropping into an offensive posture. “You lack faith in me if you assume I’m a cheater.” Youngjo fell silent, their eyes meeting across the sand-covered training area.

“I lack faith,” Hongjoong replied flatly, readying his weapon. He raised it, muscle memory leading him into position. “Call it.”

Youngjo’s expression darkened. “Begin.” 

The other Knight began to move the moment the word escaped his lips. Hongjoong stepped back and braced himself as their swords clashed, Youngjo’s weight combined with his run-up forcing a grunt from him. He allowed Youngjo to push him back two steps before he found his footing, throwing his own weight forward with impressive force. 

Youngjo staggered just enough, giving Hongjoong the opening he needed to dodge to the side. His sword came up but Youngjo wasn’t a prince’s guard for nothing. He caught Hongjoong’s blade with the hilt of his own weapon, the two of them struggling for an upper hand. Their eyes met in the process, fire mirrored. Hongjoong bared his teeth as the other man managed to break his swing, feet sliding in the sand as he hurried to get away. A cloud of dust rose around him as he did so. 

Youngjo didn’t let this stop him however, feigning to the left. Hongjoong was prepared for it, raising his sword so they could clash yet again. This continued for another minute, adrenaline building in his veins as they danced around one another. They were Knights of the highest skill, unable to find an opening or weakness even with all the advantages and disadvantages they both shared. 

Until, finally, one of them lost focus— _ Youngjo. _

He stumbled, foot slipping in the unfamiliar sand.

Hongjoong, overwhelmed with adrenaline and emotion, swung his sword despite Youngjo’s lack of a block. He caught himself a moment too late, the tip slicing Youngjo’s cheek and sending crimson down the pristine metal. Youngjo jerked back with a hiss, stepping out of Hongjoong’s range. The Knight realized what he had done seconds later, lips parting and eyes going wide. He let go of his sword, the blade sinking into the sand of the training grounds. One would think Hongjoong would feel satisfaction over inflicting pain upon someone who had done the same, but his chest only felt tight. He had hurt. He had injured. 

He had lost control.

“Gods, Youngjo, I apologize. That was completely out of turn.”

“No, it was deserved.” Youngjo lowered his sword, free hand coming up to tentatively press at the cut. Already blood was oozing down his cheek. He sighed, sheathing his weapon. “Please do not apologize. I can pass it off as bad balance—I have always been the clumsy type.” Youngjo took a step away, averting his eyes.

“What are you doing? We need to get you to the infirmary for treatment.” Hongjoong took a step forward, but was stopped by Youngjo raising a hand.

“You won,” Youngjo said, and his voice sounded so different from his arrival. “You won, Hongjoong. I will go to the infirmary, I promise.”

_ You won. _

Hongjoong realized the gravity of that a moment later. Had he truly wanted to win? Did he truly wish for Youngjo to leave him alone? Was that, truly, what he wanted?

Youngjo turned, stepping away from him. Hongjoong watched him go with a slack jaw and every single word he had ever wished to say simmering with him. He knew. He knew he couldn’t allow Youngjo to walk away again. Not like this, not when he wanted to do nothing more than scream for him to turn back around.

_ Stop being a godforsaken coward, Kim Hongjoong! You are a Knight of Aurora—you are not a coward! _

He was not a  _ coward. _

“Wait!” He called.

Youngjo’s feet came to a halt, standing in the same doorway he had entered the training grounds from. He didn’t turn around.

“Just … wait. Please.” Hongjoong’s shoulders dropped. 

Youngjo turned around, meeting his eyes. A swathe of emotions were reflected within them, a resigned sadness painting his features. He looked tired, exhausted even, completely worn despite the short walk. Hongjoong could only imagine how long he had been struggling with the emotions flooding through him.

And, again, it was not Hongjoong who broke the silence.

“I have waited for you for years, Kim Hongjoong, and I will wait a hundred more if that is what you need.”

“You can’t—you can’t say things like that!” He said, voice raising towards the end. “You have no right to when you are the one who went silent!” Hongjoong felt something wet slide down his cheek. The realization that he was crying set in moments later. In that moment, it didn’t matter that he was a Knight of Aurora. It didn’t matter that he was a man of noble blood. No, all that mattered in that moment was how overwhelmingly  _ human _ he felt.

Youngjo didn’t respond, at least not verbally. He closed the gap between them within seconds, hands flying up to cup Hongjoong’s cheeks. Thumbs brushed away his tears, Youngjo’s face blurry before him. 

“You know how long I’ve waited for you?”

“I know,” Youngjo answered softly.

“How many days I spent waiting for your letters?”

“I know.”

“How many times I went to bed so damn  _ angry _ over you?”

“I know.”

_ “You don’t know!” _ Hongjoong cried, punching Youngjo’s chest lightly. “You stole my heart with no intent of ever giving me yours!”

He collapsed into Youngjo’s body, burying his face in the other Knight’s chest. Youngjo allowed him to, Hongjoong allowing his tears to soak into the man’s clothes. Arms wrapped around his upper half, clutching him tightly.

“You’re wrong,” Youngjo murmured, soft breath tickling his scalp.

Hongjoong didn’t move.

“You stole my heart the moment I saw you, Hongjoong. And I’m sorry.” Something wet dripped into his hair, and Hongjoong realized the other man was crying too. “You deserve better. There are a million excuses I could give, but a Knight is bound by honor to never lie. I am sorry.” Youngjo’s hands trembled against his back. “You are all I’ve thought about since that night.”

“You can’t say things like that either,” Hongjoong replied weakly, hands tangling in Youngjo’s shirt. “Not when I’ve tried so hard to hate you—to forget you.”

Youngjo took a breath. “Do you truly wish for me to leave you alone, Hongjoong?”

His heart clenched in his chest. Hongjoong could say yes, and he knew Youngjo would let go of him and vanish into the expanse of the castle. He knew he would step away and respect his wishes, that he would leave Hongjoong alone no matter how much he wished to speak with him. Youngjo was selfless, and Hongjoong knew he would lay down his life for those he cared for without hesitation. 

“... No,” he managed, pulling away. Their eyes met, brimming with tears. “I want you to stay.”

“Then I will stay,” he whispered. Youngjo’s expression softened. “... May I kiss you, Hongjoong?”

“I would like nothing more,” he breathed.

Youngjo smiled, cupping his cheek once more. The Knight lowered his head, capturing Hongjoong’s lips with a subtle urgency. He allowed Youngjo to work him open slowly, tongue dipping between his lips to remap the inside of his mouth. Youngjo tasted like expensive wine, giving clue to his activities before coming to find him. His hands dropped, seeking out Hongjoong’s hips and settling there gently. Hongjoong allowed it, his own hands raising to press against his shoulders in an attempt to ground himself.

Youngjo kissed him with a dizzying passion, sending his mind into a hazy spiral. Their hands wandered, relearning each other’s bodies after being apart for so long. Hongjoong had not expected to have sex that day but Youngjo had always been a wild soul. Hiding in the far corner of the training grounds, Youngjo worked him open with his tongue until Hongjoong was a drooling, begging mess, hands tangled in the man’s hair as he struggled to hold himself upright. He wrapped Hongjoong’s legs around his waist and fucked him against the wall, their moans and cries echoing throughout the clearing and leaving quite the impression for anyone unlucky enough to wander by that day.

_ “I love you,”  _ he panted, Youngjo snapping his hips with a little more force than he meant to. “I love you, Hongjoong.”

“L-love you too, Youngjo,” he whimpered, nails dragging down Youngjo’s back as he fought to get closer. “Only you.”

_ “Only you,” _ Youngjo echoed.

There were still plenty of things they needed to sort through, ranging from their feelings to the reason Youngjo was within Aurora in the first place. But, in the moment, Hongjoong was too high on pleasure and adrenaline to worry about it. 

Somehow, deep down, he knew things would be alright. He knew things would work out this time.

This time, he knew he could trust Youngjo. But, perhaps, he had all along.

He had waited for him after all, and Kim Hongjoong would wait a hundred years more as well, for he knew Youngjo would do the same.

**Author's Note:**

> I just really wanted to write hongjo for this au! they fit so well for royalty aus, and I want to do some more with them!
> 
> sorry this wasn't the seongsang sequel everyone has been waiting for ;w; I've just had this in my wips for a little over a month and wanted to finish something to take a break from my selfcest au
> 
> as always, find me on twt [@moonswallowed](https://twitter.com/moonswallowed) !
> 
> thank you for reading!!


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